First or Last?

     Lately God has been reminding me that I need to live the lifestyle of a servant.  It has been a while since I thought about God’s view of a servant.  All throughout the gospels Jesus talks about being a servant.  All throughout the gospels Jesus demonstrates to us what it looks like to be a servant.

     Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first must be your slave­- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.  Matthew 20:26-28

                           

     Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Mark 9:35

     What a challenge. Do you want to be great in the eyes of man or God?  I know that I want to be seen as great in the eyes of God.  I want to be a servant.  It’s an entire lifestyle change.  It’s not just one or two things I need to work on.  I need to get in the mindset that I am a slave; I am servant and I have one master and I only do what He asks and desires.  It’s not easy.  But it’s so worth it.  Do I want to be first now and last later when I stand before God?  Or do I want to be last now and first before God?

    Jesus is a wonderful example of a servant, fully a slave to God’s want’s and desires.  He never did anything without the direction from God.  He served so beautifully, I just can’t help but want to do the same.  I want to put others before myself.  I want to really care about others.  What an amazing way to show that you really care, by putting other people’s needs before your own!

    Oh God, I want that.  Lord, help me to deny myself and all my selfish desires.  Help me to be selfless and put you and others first.

Oh Lover of my Soul

      How do you explain to someone what it feels like to fall in love?  It’s one of those things that no one knows how to explain, you just have to experience it for yourself.  But here I am, trying to find the words to describe to you what’s going on in my heart right now.

      The past couple weeks I was really struggling, every night I was reminded that I have a hole.  Every night I sat crying out to God to fill it.  I didn’t understand what was really going on at first.  I just knew I had a hole in my life and I was trying to fill it with all the wrong things.

     So here is my hole.  I need to feel loved.  I need to know that someone loves me, and it couldn’t be just anyone.  Here I am surrounded by people who are in love, either with God or another person.  And here I was, not in love with anyone.  Oh I have been feeling so left out.  I want to experience love, and not some cheap, crappy love, but I want to experience real, sweet, joyful love.  The kind that puts a smile on your face, makes your toes tingle and all that good stuff that people say love makes you feel.

     But here I was, stuck.  I didn’t want to fall in love with some guy, I have been told enough times that a guy will never satisfy the real longing I feel inside.  I knew the only way to really experience love was with God… but how do you fall in love with someone that you view as your Father?  All my life I have been told, God is your Father, he’s your daddy and you’re his daughter.  So how to I change this view I have as God as a father into God as a lover?  To me, it just seemed so awkward.

     So I began to pray.  I began to cry out to God because I know that he is the only one who could change this view I had of Him.

     ‘Lord, I do not want this area in my life to be filled with anyone but you.  I don’t want to fall in love with any guy until you are my first love.  Please God, romance me.  Do whatever it takes.  I want to be yours and I want to see you as mine, I want to see you as my lover.’

     A couple days ago God told me this, ‘I am the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit’.  God began to show me this other part of Him that I had not yet seen.  He reminded me that He isn’t just a Father, but He is also a Son.  He is Jesus, a prince, a lover! There is this whole part of God I wasn’t seeing, that I haven’t ever experienced before.  But now I have begun to see it.  I am beginning to see the way God has been pursuing me, as a Prince, a lover.  

    I have no idea what happens next, but I can’t help but feel an excitement start to build in me.  I have been waiting to feel this way for a while now and I don’t know if I really believe it’s actually happening.  But I’m willing and waiting for the next step and all I can say is, romance me oh lover of my soul.